If you are searching for Christian mentoring mistakes to avoid, you are probably in a real relationship with a real person, and you care about getting it right. Maybe you are mentoring a younger believer. Maybe you are leading someone through a hard season. Maybe you simply feel the nudge from God to pour into someone spiritually, but you do not want to control them, overwhelm them, or say “the wrong thing”. This post will help you spot common discipleship mistakes to avoid and replace them with simple, biblical practices that build healthy, Jesus-centered discipleship. Here are 7 of the most common traps — plus 3 more in the free Baton Passing resource below.
Trap #1: Thinking discipleship has to be formal to be real
If you wait for the perfect setting, you may never start.
Do this instead: Do things together.
Never underestimate the value of doing things together. Some of the deepest conversations happen on the way to something, not across a table with a notebook open.
One of the most meaningful nights where I invested in the life of a young man occurred during a rain-out at a baseball game. Traffic halted to a standstill on the freeway, resulting in a much longer return trip from the game. That long ride home provided an opportunity for him to share deep pain from his past, along with present and future challenges.
Have you noticed how “together” lowers defenses?
Ask yourself: Where can we simply be together this week?
Trap #2: Making yourself the center of the relationship
This one can be subtle. It often looks like helping, and can even look like leadership, but if they start needing you more than they need Jesus, something is off.
Do this instead: Be second. Point people to Jesus and Scripture.
When John the Baptist’s disciples began defecting to Jesus, John said it plainly: He must increase, but I must decrease (John 3:30). That is not insecurity. That is maturity.
Your role is not to collect followers. Your role is to help someone follow Christ. You are a signpost, not the destination.
So ask: Am I pointing them to my opinion, or to Scripture? Am I building dependence on me, or confidence in God?
Trap #3: Tying them to your agenda
Sometimes we do this because we are lonely, or we want to feel needed. Sometimes because we love our ministry and want them to be close.
But it can quietly become more about your agenda than the person you are mentoring.
Do this instead: Release them into God’s leadership and destiny, not your agenda.
Guard against selfishly tying them to you, your ministry pursuits, or your geographical location. Release them over and over again.
Far too many spiritual harvest fields lack laborers because the people raising them became too personally attached to release them into their own unique field of service.
If you want to build the Kingdom, you have to open your hands.
Ask yourself: Am I celebrating their calling, even if it takes them away from me?
Trap #4: Talking about prayer instead of actually praying
Many Christian mentoring relationships have good conversations and weak spiritual power.
Do this instead: Pray for them. Bathe them in prayer. Pray with them.
Jesus modeled this in John 17. He also warned Peter that rough days were ahead: “Satan wants to sift you, but I have prayed for you” (Luke 22:31-32). That is what love does. Love prays.
You do not need fancy words. You need faithfulness. Pray in the car. Pray on a phone call. Pray in a text message. Pray when you do not know what else to do.
And ask them: How can I pray for you right now (not later)?
Trap #5: Forgetting what actually helped you grow
You can unintentionally disciple someone with fluffy ideas instead of tested nourishment.
Do this instead: Do an inventory of what has helped you.
Think about what has helped you in the past. List life-impacting Scriptures, books that helped you, ministries, experiences, people, audio recordings of speakers or music, annual events, anything God used to strengthen your love for Him and your love for others.
Then ask the question that turns memory into mission: How can you pass these resources to others?
Trap #6: Keeping their world small
If they only learn from you, their faith can become narrow. Their courage can stay limited.
Do this instead: Introduce them to other inspiring Kingdom Laborers.
Give them a life biography in a book or on audio, then discuss it together. Introduce them to other hearts on fire and lives on purpose. It will encourage, inspire, and stretch them.
Go ahead, enhance their network and watch iron sharpen iron (Proverbs 27:17).
Ask: Who else should they meet? Who else could stretch them in a good way?
Trap #7: Preparing them for comfort instead of conflict
Do this instead: Prepare them for what’s ahead and help them grow deep roots.
Concern yourself with their roots, because they won’t grow taller or wider in spiritual influence unless they go deeper and broader in their spiritual depth.
Ensure they practice important spiritual disciplines: daily time with God and His Word, regular connections with other believers, prayer, Bible study, Scripture memorization, perhaps journaling, and definitely a lifestyle of worship. These practices act as deep roots that keep them strong, nourished, and secure when the storms of life blow against them.
They need to know storms will come. The enemy of their souls will try to bring them down. Talk about spiritual warfare. Talk about what overcomers have found helpful.
Remind them to take heart.
“In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33, ESV)
A final word (and a next step)
You do not need to be perfect to pass the baton. You just need to be faithful.
- Do things together.
- Be second.
- Release them.
- Pray for them.
- Share what helped you.
- Expand their network.
- Build deep roots.
So who is one person God has put near you?
Which baton-passing tip can you use this week?
Click here to download the full resource with 10 Practical Baton Passing Tips by Dwight Robertson, a free guide with practical next steps and three additional discipleship mistakes to avoid—perfect for anyone who wants to be more intentional in mentoring and all those who want to pass the baton well.
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